


Always and Forever

by HangesBabyMomma38



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon Universe, F/F, Mikasasha - Freeform, One Shot, Sasha is sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-11
Updated: 2021-03-11
Packaged: 2021-03-18 12:35:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,764
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29982957
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HangesBabyMomma38/pseuds/HangesBabyMomma38
Summary: After a long and difficult mission, Mikasa tries to comfort Sasha after she starts to act strange.
Relationships: Mikasa Ackerman & Armin Arlert & Eren Yeager, Mikasa Ackerman/Sasha Blouse
Kudos: 40





	Always and Forever

Mikasa sat alone, silently being carried up by a lift onto Wall Rose. She buried her face in her hands, elbows resting on her knees, and sighed deeply. The scouts had just come back from an expedition, one that resulted in several casualties, leaving everyone looking grim. A horde of titans had managed to sneak up on them, messing up the formation that they had spent hours studying. Commander Erwin’s quick thinking had managed to save the formation and left some of the soldiers alive, though not enough.

She stiffened as she remembered the horrifying screams that echoed around her as she fought for her life mere hours ago. One glance at the number of dead bodies in the wagons beneath her would be able to leave anyone mortified. She was feeling regretful, she wanted to save them, but she couldn't, they were already gone.

Even at a young age death always seemed to follow Mikasa wherever she went, starting with her parents, then Carla, then most of her friends from the 104th. She usually tried not to dwell on the deaths of her lost loved ones, she had learned long ago that this world is cruel and there was nothing she could do to change that.

The lift suddenly stopped and Mikasa looked up to see Eren and Armin staring back at her, Armin’s hand extended towards her. She took Armin’s hand in her own and used it to pull herself up. Once she was securely on the wall, Eren pulled the two into a hug.

“We made it.” Armin spoke softly.

“Yeah, but what about everyone else?” Eren whispered angrily. 

Armin didn’t bother responding, he silenced himself as the trio stayed like that for a minute longer, each one of them grateful that they had the opportunity to hold each other again. 

Eren was the first to break off, “We have to help the rest of the soldiers and supply wagons get up the wall, let’s go.”

Eren walked off to where the rest of the lifts were, Mikasa and Armin trailing close behind.

\---

“Look at that, more of our hard earned money being wasted on these useless soldiers.” One of the civilians sneered.

“What changes have they made to better society? The government should just disband them altogether.” Another spoke. 

Mikasa cringed internally. Hearing their jeers never got any easier, though she had her usual stoic look plastered on her face. From the corner of her eye she saw Eren start to get riled up, she moved closer to him and grabbed his arm. She glared at him, making sure he watched his tongue and not snap at the people around them. Once the group had gotten away from the public eye, Mikasa allowed herself to break away from Eren, knowing that the boy was calm enough to be trusted alone again. The regiment continued to walk in silence, all of them either too exhausted or traumatized to talk. 

“You are all dismissed, head to the barracks and get some rest. There are left over field rations available to anyone who is hungry.” Commander Erwin called from the front of the crowd. 

Murmurs of acceptance could be heard all around and the soldiers dispersed, going off to do their own thing. Mikasa headed to her shared room, opting to sleep rather anything else. She opened the door to the room and climbed onto the top bunk of her bed. Leaning her back against the bed frame, she closed her eyes.

Her mind was swirling with countless thoughts, regret, sadness, and anger. She knew that joining the scouts would be far from easy, she heard about the absurd number of casualties they faced each time they went outside of the walls, and she knew that she would lose people. Still, it didn’t make her time fighting any easier. Death clung to her wherever she went, not bothering to take her but everyone she loved instead.

The door swung open and Mikasa could hear a pair of boots scuffle against the floor. The bed rocked slightly as the occupant flopped onto the mattress beneath her.

“Sasha.” Mikasa sighed in relief. She hadn’t seen the girl on their way back and was starting to worry.

“Hi Mikasa.” Sasha replied, her voice lacked her usual humorous tone, instead sounding empty.

“Did you manage to get your hands on any of the left over field rations?” Mikasa questioned, she was afraid that if she went to sleep she would be plagued by nightmares of her fallen comrades.

“No, I’m really not that hungry.” Sasha spoke quietly.

Mikasa’s brows furrowed at that. In all the time she had known Sasha, she knew that the girl only missed out on food if something was really wrong.

She readjusted herself and peeked over the edge of her bed, making sure not to fall. Sasha was staring up into nothing, her eyes dull, lacking life.

“Sasha?” Mikasa called, her voice full of worry.

“Hm?” Sasha now looked over to look at Mikasa’s face, eyes still dull.

Mikasa frowned and gracefully jumped off of the top bunk. She sat at the edge of Sasha’s bed near the other girl’s feet.

“Sasha, what’s wrong.” Mikasa placed a hand on the girl’s shin.

The girl scoffed and stayed quiet for a minute. “Mikasa, this is too much.” Sasha’s voice cracked as she spoke, her eyes shimmering.

Mikasa softened, of course Sasha wasn’t feeling ok. No one would be, not after that. She inched up the bed, until she was sitting right next to the girl’s head. She gave Sasha a small smile, encouraging her to go on, and that she did.

“Before we joined the scouts, I had believed that I could actually make a difference, that all of us could make a difference. Eren’s stupid speech motivated me, brainwashed me into believing that it could happen, that we were different. After the Commander gave us the invitation to leave, my legs urged me to turn back and join the military police, take the easy way out instead. Nevertheless, I stayed, my mind set as I watched most of my comrades run away from the offer in fear.” Sasha reminisced, laying on her side, now facing away from Mikasa.

“When I first stepped foot outside of the walls, I was terrified of course, but I was also so relieved. I was relieved because I hadn't broken my promise to myself. I stared up at the sky in awe, so starstruck that it reached as far as it did. But I learned that where there is beauty, there is also destruction.” Sasha spat out bitterly.

“That same mission where I marvelled at my surroundings was also where I watched as my comrades got eaten alive, while all I could do was watch. One by one, each of them just becoming another name to put on the list of casualties. When we came back, we were laughed at, mocked, and looked down upon. Can you imagine that? I watched my friends get eaten and was later reprimanded when I wasn’t strong enough to save them.” Tears were now rolling down Sasha’s cheeks, though she pushed forward.

“I thought, well this is our first time, we’ll do better next time, we have to.” Sasha let out a maniacal laugh, “Mikasa, did it get any better? Did we save more people this time? Did we help society out in any way? The way I see it, no. We aren’t helping anything so what the hell are we even doing? Nothing has changed, I’m still as useless as I’ve ever been.” Sasha sat up, tears rolling down her face as she stared at Mikasa. She looked desperate for a response, something, anything that would show her the light at the end of the tunnel. 

“Sasha…” Mikasa breathed out. She quickly pulled the girl into an embrace, one hand holding the girl’s head as she sobbed violently into Mikasa’s shoulder. Sasha’s arms wrapped around her as she shook fervently in Mikasa’s arms. She was at a loss for words, she felt crushed. Sasha, the girl who made everyone laugh unintentionally, the one who always wore a smile, was feeling absolutely destroyed and Mikasa had no idea how to help. Running a soothing hand through Sasha’s hair, she took a deep breath.

“Sasha, that’s not true. The day I met you, you were holding that stupid potato in your hand as Shadis screamed in your face. Ever since then I started to like you and we became best friends, despite your annoying habits. I’ve watched you go from that girl who looked about ready to piss herself whenever Shadis so much as looked at you, to a powerful soldier who tries to help whoever she could no matter how many sneers would be thrown her way. Don’t ever call yourself worthless again Sasha, because you’re not, you’re far from it.” Mikasa gently grabbed Sasha’s shoulders and pulled them apart to look Sasha in the eye. She cupped her cheek and rubbed a thumb gently under Sasha’s eye to brush away some of her tears.

“You’re strong, kind, dependable, so funny, and even when it seems like everyones left and the entire world has turned their back to you, I'll always be there at your side, willing to help you in whatever way I can. No matter what problem we face, we’ll face it together. I’ll always be here Sasha, always and forever. I promise.” The tears stopped rolling down Sasha’s face, now her eyes filled with gratitude.

Her arms once again wrapped around Mikasa as she was slowly starting to calm down, “Thanks Mikasa, you always know what to say to make me feel better. I love you.” 

Mikasa smiled and returned the embrace, “I love you too Sasha. It’s late, we should rest now.” She stood but before she could climb up to her bed, a hand grabbed her wrist.

“Can you uh, um, can you sleep in my bed tonight? Please?” Sasha looked up at Mikasa with a sheepish smile on her face and a hopeful gleam in her eye.

Mikasa smiled back, “Of course.” 

She crawled under the cover with Sasha, her hands grabbing the girl’s waist and pulling her close. Sasha snuggled deep into Mikasa’s chest and let out a content sigh. They both drifted off into sleep holding the other close, some of their worries driven off because of the comfort they felt from the person next to them. They knew that no matter what happened, they would always have each other. Always and forever.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not really the type of person who opens up about their emotions so putting Sasha's grief into words was kind of hard, same with Mikasa. I hope it was sufficient enough and I promise to write about different ships in the future💀


End file.
